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Science Humour

posted Jan 21, 2015, 9:10 AM by Ranmini Perera   [ updated May 22, 2019, 7:53 PM by Upali Salpadoru ]



We are going to have a little bit of fun along with the serious matters.

Science Problem.

“Science never solves a problem without creating ten more”

Fig.George Bernard Shaw.




  Sex of a chromosome ?
     A teacher asked a class, " Is there anyone here who can say how to determine the sex of a chromosome"? A blonde gave the answer, " Just pull down the jenes"

     


Particle Physics.
Proton has a positive attitude always.
Electron has no bags no brakes.
Neutron is properly  discharged.
Photon comes without hand luggage travelling light.  

One day all of the world’s physicists decided to get together for a social.

Fortunately the Dooran was a graduate student and able to observe some of the guests. 

    Everyone gravitated towards Newton,

  1. Newton   just kept moving around at constant     velocity and showed no reaction.
  2. Einstein  thought they had a relatively good time. 
  3. Coulomb  got a real charge  .
  4. Cavendish  wasn’t invited, but he sent the balls to show up anyway.     
Fig. Balancing ball expeRIMenT OF cAVendish.















  1. Cauchy   The only mathematician there still managed to integrate well with everyone.
  2. Thomson  enjoyed the plum pudding.
  3. Pauli  came late , but was mostly excluded from things , so he split.
  4. Pascal  was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
  5. Ohm  spent most of the time resisting.
  6. Amperes  Gave his opinion on current events.
  7. Hamilton  went to the buffet tables exactly once.
  8. Volt  Thought the social had a lot of potential.
  9. Hilbert  Was pretty spaced out for most of it.
  10. Heisenberg    May or may not have been there, uncertain. 
  11. Curies  Were there and just glowed the whole time.
  12. Van der Waals  forced himself to mingle.
  13. Millikan  Dropped his Italian oil dressing.
  14. De Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
  15. Hollerith  liked the hole idea.
  16. Stefan  and Boltzmann  got into some hot debates. 
  17. Tesla’s   everyone was attracted to his magnetic personality.
  18. Compton  was a little scatter brained  at times.
  19. Bohr  ate too much and got atomic ache.
  20. Watt  turned out to be a powerful speaker.
  21. Hertz  went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
  22. Faraday  had quite a capacity for food.
  23. Oppenheimer  got bombed  

Courtsey:-The Science Magpie by Simon Flynn.  2012.


 QUESTION ANSWER
 Why do farmers like Nitrates? They are cheaper than day rates.
 What is C-H2O stand for?      C Water.  (Water in the sea.)
 What is the centre of gravity? "V". The one in the centre.
 What’s IT?
   Astronomers do IT at night. Mathematicians do IT in numbers. Biologists do IT in the field. Chemists do IT periodically on the table.  Geologists do it in folded beds.  Computer scientists do IT bit by bit.Electrical engineers do IT until it hertz. When seismologists do IT, the Earth shakes,Zoologists do IT with animals, Botanists do IT behind the . Polymer scientists do IT in chains Stats do IT with 99% confidence While philosophers only think about IT.
"Science"   what else?  Shame on you if you thought otherwise.
 

Sparks?

The man's name was sparks.  He was charged with a battery. The Judge said " Put him in a cell".

                  


Theory of Relativity

An undergraduate was trying to explain "Einstein’s Theory of relativity" to his grandfather “Time is relative. The way time passes depends on your circumstances. If you are having a wonderful time at a party, time passes too quickly. If you are being forced to sit on a block of ice for a particular period, time passes too slowly.

His grandfather replied, “Einstein is glorified for this nonsense?”

Can we see light?

Yes! 

Most of you may say. If you have to show what can you show? 

You may point to a wall illuminated by the rays of the sun. You can point to the sun and the moon. Are they light?  

Definitely, no. They are objects which radiate, or reflect light.  

Light passing from a source to an object cannot be seen.

On a full moon day moon can be clearly seen. It gets light from the sun. We cannot see these rays coming from the sun to the moon. 

There is a professor who opposes every answer you may give.  

If you say light can be seen he’ll oppose it as suggested in the above para. 

If you say you cannot see the light, he’ll say, “What are you talking, what do your eyes do?  They see the light." 

“Take an example, when I touch you feel. Take a sweet you feel the taste. In the same manner an image forms in the retina of your eye and you perceive light. 

The argument depends on the definition given to seeing

If seeing is to be taken as the sensitivity to light, our eyes are sensitive to visible part of the spectrum. In that sense we see light?

                  All about science?

To one "it's a high heavenly goddess."

To another "it is a cow that provides them with butter".
From:-  Schiller & Goethe.    "The science Magpie by Simon Flynn 2012".

Theory of Evolution.

With reference to the above theory the wife of the Bishop of Birmingham said " My dear, let us hope it is not true but if it is true ,let us hope it will not become generally known"






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Upali Salpadoru,
Mar 10, 2016, 11:47 AM
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